So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
