That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
