And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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