Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
