No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
