I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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