nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
