Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
