Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
