Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
