I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
