It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
