Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
