I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I look better un-naked...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
