she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
