I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
