I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
the condom got lost in my hair
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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