sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
do herpes really smell.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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