apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
