I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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