He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
