Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
