please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
