Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize