NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
