We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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