maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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