you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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