Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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