i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
