i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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