I cannot find my penis.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
