I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
