Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just had sex bonerless
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
do herpes really smell.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
