From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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