my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
