Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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