haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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