That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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