you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
