we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
