she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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