oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
