1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
