I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
