I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
