I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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