whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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