He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
