You smell like stripper and shame
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
