I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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