No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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