you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
