she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
