very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
