I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I love having hate sex.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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