Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
