some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We just shotgunned beers for America
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
