i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
