you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
