There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
