when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
