Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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