so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You're completely useless in the revolution.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
