i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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