We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Be still, my beating vagina.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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