How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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