don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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