You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
