I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
