Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Floor bacon is actually really good
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize