You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she told me i tasted like america
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize