there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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