"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
