You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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