just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
