i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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