when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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